The
Hidden Problem with Thongs
By Patty Howell, Ed.M., A.G.C., Relationship Expert
A lot of parents would be horrified at the idea of a 7 year-old
girl wearing a thong. But Britney, Byonce and other stars
have made thongs popular among "tweens", kids between the
ages of 7 and 14.
Should
you allow your daughter to wear a thong? Should you allow
your child to have sex as soon as s/he wishes to? What about
smoking, drinking, drugs and other controversial behaviors?
These
are, for many people, moral or ethical issues that will
be decided on the basis of their values. Much has been written
in the general media and church-related publications about
the morality considerations of these issues, which are paramount
concerns for some families. Other families are more concerned
about the health issues involved; for others personal freedom
is paramount; and for still others, the issues seem harder
to parse.
There
is also another important criterion that is generally not
part of the decision-making process on issues such as these,
and one I believe should be better understood. That is the
matter of instant gratification and the high price human
beings can pay for it.
Instant
gratification plays into these matters because all human
beings are attracted to instant gratification, whether in
the form of tasty food, a quick buck, a job quickly completed.
We like these kinds of short-term rewards and they are self-reinforcing--causing
us to seek their pleasures again.
Complications
arise from the fact that many of the most important pursuits
in life do not have attractive short-term pay off; they
don't give immediate gratification. The important issue
at risk with this short-term payoff for youthful desires
is the development of potential as a human being, a process
easily stunted by the lure of immediate gratification. Smoking,
drinking, drugs, junk food, sex--they all pay off quickly,
by making you feel better, happier, more relaxed. In contrast,
the development of skills, knowledge, emotional complexity,
capacities for reason and self-regulation, are vastly more
difficult pursuits and ones that do not have as satisfying
short-term payoffs. Yet, in the long run, they equip a person
to have a significantly more successful, productive, and
satisfying life.
If
we contemplate a society in which everyone engages in all
the instantly gratifying behaviors they wish to, it doesn't
take a rocket scientist to realize that we'd have few rocket
scientists. Or teachers, or physicians, or musicians; virtually
no one with the capacity to better their own lives or those
around them. For this reason, it is an important part
of the developmental process for each of us to develop the
capacity to resist the powerful attractions of immediate
gratification and engage in pursuits that help us develop
our capacities as more capable human beings.
If
children get hooked on short-term gratification and don't
understand the benefits of resisting it, they do not develop
capacities which will enrich their lives in the long-run.
Thongs don't endanger health, per se, and they have their
place as an attractive garment. But their hidden risk can
be that of sidetracking kids into an addiction to short-term
payoffs that deter them from the more difficult, but ultimately
more rewarding, tasks of developing their full potential
as human beings.
